Friday, April 18, 2014

April 17, 2014- I Have Found It!

            Holy Thursday.  It was not necessarily filled with all the holy things this Catholic girl could have been doing.  I got side-tracked with a whole lot of last minute shenanigans before we leave tomorrow.  As Irish-accented Carroll O’Connor said in the movie Return to Me: “I’m blessed with work.”  That was the way of it today.  Gracie and I hit the ground running, with appraisal appointments, dropping her off at Uncle KC and Auntie Jenny’s, arranging Easter baskets, (shh) another great appointment, and then lots of busy things.  It’s not like Jim and I are big-time travelers; it takes a lot of actual thinking to make it all come together.  Then I had to clean the whole house because God forbid I run the Boston Marathon with a dirty house!  (I can’t escape it.  I am wired like my mother. xo)
            On the surface we appear to have all our important stuff packed and I’m going to go with that otherwise my head will explode.  Then we were able to slow down for just a minute, walk over through the soft, spring darkness to the church for a visit to Jesus on this night of remembering when He was imprisoned.  It is very hard to get my mind to slow down right now, but as I came into the silent chapel and knelt down, my prayer was an instant and interesting one.
            I talked to God my daddy, Abba, and told Him I don’t want to be separated from Him over the next couple of days.  I tend to forget about God when there are a lot of bells and whistles going off around me.  I am a child easily distracted.  And I don’t want to do that.  I want to hold my Abba’s hand through this whole experience.  He is the one responsible for getting me here, and I don’t want to leave Him behind.  Another news flash:  It isn’t about me!  And I don’t want to experience the next few days without Him! 
            These thoughts fully filled my heart as I then sat there beside my husband and we prayed and the tears came.  This whole week the tears have been coming.  I have been going to morning mass this week and I sit there and cannot believe how much Jesus is heaping on the grace into every bit of me right now.  I had prayed early on in this journey for Him to heap it on: “Give and gifts will be given to you; a good measure, packed together, shaken down, and over-flowing, will be poured into your lap.” (Luke 6:38)
            I am so overwhelmed by the prayers being said for me, for the graces given to a daughter who can never earn them, nor ever deserve them.  I can feel the graces.  They are so strong within me that they bubble up and come out my eyes- in the form of such happy tears.  I am so profoundly grateful, am feeling so much love for God, imperfect though it may be- on so many levels that I cannot even form it all into words. 
            On this special day when Jesus, at the very end of His earthy life instituted the sacrament of the Holy Eucharist, I just want to sing out once again that I have found it.  In all my searchings and struggles; I have found the Pearl of Greatest Value.  My Jesus, my All, in the Blessed Sacrament.  For me- He is everything. 
            And finally, to put it all into proper perspective I saw a face book post to my wall from my friend and neighbor Mandy.  It was her dear husband Kirk who died just a short time ago.   She will be at home instead of making the trip to Boston like they had planned together.  She posted: 

  Wishing you a good run! Enjoy every minute, high five every little kid on the street, cheer with the students at the top of the hill! Celebrate all that you have accomplished to get to Boston! I'll be cheering for you! Please add your miles to Kirk Steen, Boston when you are done!! Can't wait to hear all about it when you get back!
Look up!  It's springtime! 

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