Two weeks from today… I am winding down not only on my marathon preparations, but also on my time of lent, my spiritual training before Easter. It is so amazing, the correlation between the two- the two sides of me- physical and spiritual.
I know God finds us where we are, because He knows we will never “get it” if we can’t relate to it (as self-absorbed as we mere creatures can be) and my brain in continuing to play a merry game of leap frog- hopping from one thought to another as He offers them to me.
For me, God will always find a willing participant in the game to leap frog through the way of the cross, I really like to spend time thinking about and praying on the Passion of Jesus. It is said that the saints would spend countless hours before the crucifix, finding there the wellspring of holy inspirations and grace. In praying in the silent church today my mind leapt to a number of thoughts to share.
In the great paradox of the crucified Christ the world sees only failure, someone completely controlled and dominated, despair… But the world does not see what is truth. What is really there is victory, the greatest accomplishment of all time… And with the tremendous success of Jesus, although He drank fully of every cup of despair and sadness, He was also filled with a holy joy.
Now a joy-filled Jesus is something that is hard to come to grips with when you really focus on the horrendous image of the cross, of the mangled body secured to that torture devise. Joy. Why joy? How could it be that Jesus would feel that kind of emotion there?
For me, to make it relatable, to affix that type of emotion on that type of suffering my thoughts leap instantly to my lowest time, the death of my mommy to see how this could be possible. And I can see and understand how it is very possible because when you are really and truly united to God, when you are completely doing His will, there is no greater joy to be had- no matter what the unimaginable hardship you find yourself in, you will find a happiness, a gratitude like no other, all leading to pure joy.
So right now I am leap frogging again, focusing on my mommy, and the hell of watching her die, and it is reminding me of the different points in my marathons when I was at my lowest. At those moments I remember calling out (and not just mentally) to my mother for help. God knows how pain-filled it was, and so did my mom. And it wasn’t like suddenly she was up there waving a magic wand and “bing”: praise Jesus, for it was a miracle! I was pain free. Um. No. Not is the slightest.
But, I don’t know, it united me to her, to that church triumphant and she prayed for me. As it says in Revelations 5:8, the holy ones in heaven do pray for us. I know it is true. Again I leap frog back to the words that I have been thinking so much recently: We are all connected. And this is not just with my fellow pilgrims, the church militant, on this journey of life, but also those who have won the race and are in heaven. We are all connected.
There is a safety in numbers for me. There is a comfort when I know someone out there feels my pain. Gets it. Not that I am going to wrap this installation up in a neat little connecting of the dots today, but just throwing out a handful of the thoughts churning around in my ever-churning cranium. As always, I am leap frogging my way through life.