I ran my five miles on the treadmill today. This whole week is forecasted to be unbelievably cold, today reached a pleasantly frigid four degrees I think. All was good except for the one thing: my hip. My wonky hip. And if there is anything that is going to get me down, it is that. The deal breaker of deal breakers. I am not feeling too good about it all, losing some faith in this whole idea.
The nuclear bomb that fuels my Doubting Thomas attitude is this: In praying for God to give me this cross that I might offer it up for my four reasons, I know, and He knows that the biggest cross He can send me is not being able to complete this mission. Not being able to run is far worse to me than going out and running every single horrible mile- tearing down and painstakingly building up my legs, my whole body. All the blood, sweat, tears are better by far than to have to sit on the sidelines.
To run, to participate in this huge event is to LIVE! I want to experience it all. I want to drink it all. But the cup that I want to choose might very well not be the one He will give me. Okay. Regroup session. Jesus, help me! Help me to love YOUR will!